January 29, 2012
Trying to gather up my thoughts
Posted at 01:02 AM by i.am.maane

I've been doing a lot of thinking and reminiscing these past few days. Who wouldn't? Especially now, when I'm days away from that moment when I'm going to leave my family, friends and my comfort zone. Now that I have a lot of time to think and reflect, I realized I'm going to miss a lot and yes, leaving will make me sad (for the first few weeks only, I hope). I miss my work. I know, I know! I can imagine my friends/ officemates telling me, "Huwat??! Seriously?! C'mon!" I know the world knows how much I cursed my work and how I dreamt of getting out. And now that I'm out, almost officially 29 days now, I am starting to really miss it. And my crazy mind starts thinking that if things won't go well as planned there, I can go back here and maybe even re-apply. And that thought sort of freaked me out. I am never the type of person who easily gives up but I'm already thinking about it (going back) and I even have a plan. Whoa. Where did that came from?! Hmm. Some people I know told me they've already tried to start it there but it never worked out for them so they came back. And even my parents are telling me that if I feel like I don't like it there, I can go back anytime. I know my parents are not discouraging me, very far from that. They just want to reassure me that I don't have to pressure myself. I just have to try it and if things won't go accordingly, I can go back and they would understand. But of course, I first have to try. And I will. I'm a fighter. Yes I'm a cry baby but that doesn't make me weak. I'm emotional and I know it can affect some aspect of my life but never did I let it hinder me from doing what I want. I know I'm not alone. God has always been with me since day 1. All this thing. All this migration thing was so perfectly crafted and it amazed me. I know how well things went according to place w/o so much effort. It was all God's. I remember the movie 10,000 BC. The protagonist was destined to be the savior of their tribe. There was this test or exercise to determine who is the rightful one. He finished the test with triumph.. accidentally. And because it was all an accident and wasn't completely out of his own efforts, he had his doubt. But little did he know, that it is really his fate and somehow someone or something with a greater power had put him where he should be. All the things that happened to him, all the events, all leads to the fulfillment of his destiny. And it was all effortlessly done. If something was bound to happen, it will all happen at the right time. That is how I see it. All things happen for a reason, we might not know why certain things happen to us, but we should trust that it all leads to whatever is best for us. I remember the Bible verse, "All things worked together for good (to those who believe in Him). " And no matter what happened, no matter our capabalities or even our weaknesses, if it's bound to happen, it will happen. We just have to trust God, that He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us.. We just have to trust in Him. And I know this (migration) is all part of God's plan. I may not know yet what exactly His plans are for me but I know it's for the better. HE knows best

 

 




January 18, 2012
Reality Check
Posted at 11:14 PM by darkwinter

Did I really bolt myself from getting the opportunities I deserve?
I was never the one to settle for mediocre choices, but here I am... settling.
Part of me admonish I've lost a support system;
being left in this dismal, sinking ship.
Yet, I did not jump. I kept it afloat. I kept it from ebbing down the unfathomable unknown.
But for all the loyalty and hard work... I am left alone.
No one chose to care.
No one chose to stay.
For who would choose from lousy options?
Only someone as oblivious as me.
sigh
I've too many wants.
But when time defines a fine line between needing and wanting,
one questions oneself, "Was I set to fail at the onset?"
And watching that face change to prejudice only embeds the dagger even deeper.
You will always have unrealistic expectations,
and you will always expect your puppets to dance despite audience leaving the theater one by one.
I wonder how this tragedy ends?


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